An orgasm (climax) is a very enjoyable release of built-up tension and energy. Orgasms are different for everyone which makes it difficult to explain.
Some people describe feelings as a tingle, whereas others describe explosive feelings all over the body. Everybody is different and so everybody will have different experiences!
After a woman becomes sexually aroused;
- Her hearts beats faster
- Her breathing gets quicker and heavier.
- Happy hormones, (like endorphins and oxytocin) are pumped around the brain and body,
- Blood is pumped to her genitals (including our clitoris which will swell a little, make it more sensitive), creating tingles, tension and ultimately muscular spasms, (where various muscles tighten all over the body). The grand finale is when the pelvic muscles contract.
- These vaginal changes are mainly a result of a rush of blood to the pelvic area, (called engorgement) which generally provides a pleasurable warmth in a female’s genital area.
- Her breasts may enlargen a little with the nipples standing out a little more than usual.
- Some women flush red on their face, neck and chest.
- The orgasm itself may last between 4 – 15 seconds.
Remember! Everyone is different so you may not experience all of these things – it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
An orgasm should not be the reason for sex. It’s still possible to have great sex without an orgasm. Sure, it’s fun – but intimacy, love, feeling aroused and sensual are much more important.
Some people find it difficult to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, some people can only climax through masturbation, and some never experience them at all.
Some illnesses make climax difficult, or you might find it an unhappy side effect of a particular medication. Sometimes the problem is physical. You might have worries about your body, or think sex has to be perfect, and anything less won’t do. It could be that a bad experience in your past is affecting you, or you have problems in your current relationship. Seeing your GP, a counsellor, or sex therapist may help you overcome any issues.
Often, people find it difficult to climax because they’re waiting for it to happen. The thing is, if you really focus on trying to have an orgasm, you’re probably less likely to have one.
Faking an orgasm doesn’t get you anywhere either. You might end up having to fake it all the time or your partner will wonder what they’re doing wrong. If your partner thinks that they’re satisfying you – they’ll keep doing what they’re doing, and never learn what really turns you on. It’s far better to talk to your partner about what you like so you can orgasm for real. That way sex will be much better for the both of you.
To fine-tune your orgasmic ability, make sure you’re relaxed, rested and able to concentrate on the moment. Switch off your phone and try to tune out the stresses of daily life.
You may find that orgasms and sex are much better when you’re having sexual intercourse with the same person and that having sex with a stranger is just not pushing all the right buttons. This may be because you’re choosing to have sex with someone you know, trust and are attracted to which makes the feelings more intense and enjoyable.
Start by concentrating on your breathing – take long, deep breaths or pants to get oxygen to the tensing muscles. Don’t be afraid to try out different positions until you find one that seems to work and, to both men and women, be sure to squeeze those pelvic floor muscles – pelvic floor exercises can boost arousal and make orgasms even more explosive.